Spiraling to Higher Ground

2008-05-01

Mother Earth is an incredible living entity. She seems to have an infinite capacity to gently take my stress, pain, and anxiety, and I am amazed at how much emotional baggage I am able to release while in her presence. Just the other day, as I was hiking a nearby mountain, I began accessing some thoughts and feelings that unbeknownst to me, were creating a heaviness within my heart. Like old boxes tucked away in the depths of a closet, I had pushed these feelings away and blocked their presence.

I began my climb without any goal in mind and without any intention of how far or high I would ascend. My only desire was to feel the healing energies of Mother Earth. As I stepped onto the trail leading to the mountain's peak, I found myself in a valley surrounded by several bountiful foothills and felt cradled in the mountain's arms. Step by step, I ascended and with each footfall I remained focused on releasing the thoughts or feelings that were surfacing. As I stayed in the present and felt my feelings, I sensed myself shedding yet another layer of perception and emotion that had been covering my soul. In fact, at one point during my trek, I remember looking to my right and to a path splitting off from the mountain titled "Rattle Snake Trail." "How appropriate," I mused, for I very much felt like a snake exfoliating its next layer of skin. Letting go of some feelings and shifting my perception was symbolic of peeling back another layer so the next level of my soul could shine forth.

While staying centered on my inner self, I was surprised at how much ground I covered. At one point, I stopped and looked around at the land cascading below me, and I found that I had already climbed 1,000 feet. Realizing I was more than half way to the top, I decided to continue. Letting go of my old baggage lightened my load, so to speak, and I felt a newfound perseverance and determination rising within me.

And, so, with the final ascent ahead of me, I set forth once more, at this time, however, with a lightness spreading through my body, mind and spirit. Before long, I discovered that this part of the mountain was by far the steepest. As I continued rising to higher ground, I found that I did best not when I looked toward the top, but rather, when I remained focused on the path directly in front of me. Finishing the journey was symbolic of my spiritual pilgrimage and upon reaching the peak, I was not only filled with awe from the beauty encircling me, but from the healing and self-love I had experienced each step of the way.

Climbing a mountain is a metaphor for our spiritual journey. The beginning of the mountain starts as soon as we set foot on its foothill, something we're often unconscious of. And so it is with us. Each of us is on a spiritual journey whether we're aware of it or not. We may be at different points along the mountain, but the fact is, we're on it, making choices, making mistakes, growing and learning along the way.

Further, we never climb straight to the top of a mountain. Rather, we spiral toward the peak. And so it is with us. While experiencing my own spiral toward the peak, I found myself returning to the same point of the mountain, again and again, but always at a higher level. With each spiral, I was able to see the land before me from a higher perspective and with more vision and appreciation. Through our relationship with our self and others we are given opportunities to grow and awaken. These opportunities allow us to heal old patterns that prevent us from living fully in the present and with an open heart. As we ask for guidance and choose differently, we become more conscious of past hurts and wounds we need to heal. And as the circle of life continues, we continue to be given opportunities to awaken through relationship. Yet, like my spiral up the mountain, as we continue uncovering and peeling back the layers, we are empowered to participate at a higher level of awareness and with a greater ability to give and receive love.

The final destiny of my journey was not what mattered; rather it was the metamorphosis that came from remaining fully in the present, aware of my thoughts and feelings, the splendor around me, the love in my heart and soul. And again, so it is with us. Your life, right now in this very moment is what matters. Only by being present can you become aware of your perception of yourself, able to feel your feelings, and genuinely connect with your soul. It is never the top of the mountain that matters, but each step you take long the way. Henry Ford once stated, "Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small steps" and that is especially true with the healing expedition your soul is on.

Today, give yourself permission to be fully present, to become aware of any heaviness weighing on your heart and mind by affirming: "I release emotional baggage and achieve my goals by knowing I can surmount any obstacles in my path, one step at a time." "I continue spiraling toward my highest ground and am supported by Spirit every step of the way." Spiritual practice enables you to call forth the combined and infinite powers of nature, the Divine Mother and Heavenly Father. And as you do so, you will continue to lighten your load, ascend, and return to the love within.

(I was a selfish, self-absorbed college student when I met Silver Wolf. Thinking that I would quit school and throw away my talent to heal and just do something else. When I met him, he offered me a place to stay, someplace to seek and find myself and a chance to teach other young girls the knowledge I had learned to that point in my life.  In return he taught me that healing wasn't about the newest gadgets coming off the line and how I could use them to play God with peoples lives. I learned about, "mind, body, soul healing" and now my patients are happier and healthier.

They are better off and so am I.  Other doctors may not agree with my way I practice and yet I travel the country on consultations. Hopefully other doctors earn from me. I know that patients learn from me what Shamanism can do with new, Modern Medicine.  It is not something that does not belong but something that goes hand in hand, together. - Spirit Wolf aka Dr C Janis Neurology)

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befriending your shadow

2008-04-18

The Jungian archetype of the Shadow includes all that we abhor about ourselves and all the wonderful potential that we doubt or deny we have. We project these negativities onto others as strong dislike and project our positive potential as admiration. We can re-member and restore these capacities to our psyches. We explore our dark side as a source of creativity and untapped potential. How does our dark side manifest, go into hiding, and emerge to hurt or liberate us? What is evil and how do we protect ourselves from it? What is the shadow in our family, relationships, religion, and in the world? We learn ways to make friends with our shadow both positive and negative so that our lost life can be restored and renewed. Inner foes become allies; dark angles within us become archways of light.

o befriend the POSITIVE personal shadow: Use this triple A approach:

• Affirm that you have the quality you admire or envy in someone else. This can be a simple declaration or affirmation such as: "I am more and more courageous."

• Act as if you have that quality by making choices that demonstrate it.

• Announce it: Tell everybody you know that you are making these changes and ask for their support.

These are three steps we take. They are usually followed by shifts in our personality; we begin to act in wiser, more loving, and more healing ways with no further need for effort. This is the grace dimension, the spiritual assistance to our work.

To befriend the NEGATIVE personal shadow, here are five A’s:

• Acknowledge that you have all the attributes humans can have, that you contain both sides of every human coin. Acknowledge that you have the specific negative traits you see in others that evoke a strong reaction of repulsion in you. The urge to observe coexists with its opposite impulse to expose.

• Allow yourself to hold and cradle these as parts of yourself. Acknowledge that they may have gone underground for a legitimate purpose and are now ready to be turned inside out and become something more creative and empowering in your life.

• Admit to yourself and to one other person the fact of these shadow discoveries about yourself.

• Make amends to those who may have been hurt by your denial of your own shadow: "I saw this in you and it is in me. I have blamed you for what I am ashamed of in myself." Make amends to anyone you have hurt by any underhanded ways your shadow has impacted him/her.

• Become aware of the kernel of value in your negative shadow characteristic and then treat it as you did the positive shadow above: affirm it as true of yourself, act as if it were true, announce your discovery and program to others who can assist us in following up on it.

As you do this work, do not scold yourself as a critical parent for all your deficits. Have a good talk with yourself as a kindly adult: "I have been controlling and that is wrong of me, but there is a kernel of positive value in that controlling. It is my capacity for getting things done, for organizing, even for leadership. I will now concentrate on and release those wonderful attributes. I will find my positive shadow in my negative shadow!" This is working with what is rather than attempting to eliminate what is, and thereby working against psychic truth. Shadow embracing reverses self-alienation and connects us to our own rainbow reality.

To see your dark side, to see what you are really up to while not shaming yourself for it reconnects you to your true self and reveals its spacious grandeur. Such vision is a form of mindfulness. Turning against the external tyrant is useless. You have to see him in your own mirror: "This face is mine. I accept the fact that there is something dark in every one of my motivations. And I still see the light in me too." Jung, toward the end of his life, wrote: "I am astonished, disappointed, and pleased with myself. I am depressed and rapturous. I am all this at once and cannot add up the sum."

The theme of letting go keeps appearing in our work of deflating our egos. Why do we not let go as easily as the poppy petals do when their season ends? Why is it not automatic in us as this phrase of Rilke suggests it can be: "Make it as easy as the earth makes itself ready for spring"? To ask why surrender does not happen without pain is like asking why we do not have strong muscles without working out. It takes practice, both psychological and spiritual practice that have as their purpose to grant an unreserved assent to every human predicament we find ourselves in. The ego cannot do this; it has too many vested interests in survival based on its props of control and entitlement.

In the past it was thought that fasting, self-flagellation, asceticism, etc., made a contribution to one’s own holiness/wholeness or to those of others. These practices were reproved by the Buddha who saw them as life-negating. Our best offering to the world is in capitalizing on our own vast body/soul potential. What helps us toward wholeness and what helps others is the release, not the inhibiting, of our hidden reserves. This release is found especially in meditation, yoga, body-oriented therapies, dream work, and active imagination. The central purpose of these practices is the letting go of ego not the splitting of mind and body. The mind’s subjugation of the body can be another ploy of the ego to keep us divided against the Self! Ego thrives on oppositions, so defeat of oppositions is the true letting go of ego.

A body image is the ego’s version of our body. We confuse these two and think they are the same. Actually, our body is a marvelous tool and full of wonders unguessed at by the mind. The ego version of the psyche does not give the complete picture of who we are either. Dreams, poetry, imagination, and projection give clues that there is more to us than ego. In body and mind we are more than we seem.

An intriguing metaphor for the dissolution of ego is the metamorphosis of the caterpillar. When it becomes a cocoon, it goes into dissolution, becoming a yellow, undifferentiated, gooey mass. This is a necessary stage before it can be adorned in its splendid butterfly raiment. We will feel like an identity-less mess when we let go of ego. Our first reaction may then be fear and that makes us hold on more tightly to the F.A.C.E. we do not want to lose. We fall back into the old patterns of control and combativeness. In reality, the time has come to let go of those ingrained habits and to allow dissolution. It is time to lie still, as mummies do. In fact, a mummy is a cocoon, lying quietly for as long a time as it may take for its new life to open. Sometimes the work is to dissolve rather than solve. Letting go of ego proves to be what wants to happen in us. It is not a goal but a program already and always in place for beings like us, so infused with urgent yearnings for Buddha’s paradise beyond fear and desire.

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The Shadow Process

2008-04-11

(this is the most recent lesson that came down from the Shaman's that I am studying with. Many of these ideas could truly help many people, not just those that are studying to become Shaman.  In our group, there are many different faiths all coming together to take on a second discipline called Shamanism.  The Elders in Wolf Clan have been giving us the most widest education they can in this Path. Not just concentrating on Celtic Shamanism but also teaching us Hawiaiian, Native American, and several other Paths to Shamanism. Each will lead us to become a well-rounded Shaman, and allow us to help heal the world in our own way.)

The Shadow Process gives us access to loving all of ourselves. This deep and profound work teaches us how to love each and every aspect of our humanity. It enables us to embrace both the darkness of our smallest self and the brilliant light of our highest self. Making peace with our dark side is a sacred journey. It demands rigorous honesty, courage and a great deal of compassion. Embracing our shadow delivers us emotional wholeness and the absolute freedom to be who we are. When we are filled with self-love and self-appreciation, we automatically attract the miraculous experience of love and appreciation from others.



What is the Shadow?

The shadow contains all the parts of ourselves that we try to hide, deny or suppress. It is the keeper of all the aspects of ourselves that we dislike and the qualities that we judge as unacceptable. The shadow wears many faces: angry, critical, fearful, lazy, controlling, selfish, weak, pathetic… These are the faces we don’t want to show the world and the faces we don’t want to show ourselves. Most of us expend huge amounts of energy trying to get rid of or control these unwanted aspects of ourselves. We hope that by hiding or fixing our "bad qualities" we will have the peace, success and happiness we desire. Most of us are convinced that we are flawed and inadequate so we become masters of disguise, and go to great lengths to hide our bad qualities from those around us – even from ourselves.

The result of turning our backs on our dark side? A life that slips by only half lived. Dreams that are never realized, or worse, that lay buried under years of resignation and shame. Until we make peace with our shadow we will continue to be at war with ourselves. And our outer world will mirror our inner struggle. What we resist persists – and we will create and attract from others that which we most dislike in ourselves. Until we feel authentic compassion for each and every aspect of ourselves, we will continue to draw forth people and events that will mirror the negative feelings we have about ourselves. Until we take back our power and forgive ourselves for being human we will attract people who push our buttons and reactivate our emotional wounds. And until we find the courage to love ourselves completely, we will never truly be able to experience the love from those around us. We don’t need to guess how we really feel about ourselves at the deepest level. All we have to do is look at how the outer world treats us. If we’re not getting the respect, love and appreciation we desire from the outer world, it’s more than likely we aren’t giving these things to ourselves. This is the benevolence of the Universe in action. The whole world is a mirror of our own consciousness, and when we make peace with the disowned aspects of ourselves, we make peace with the world.



Embracing The Shadow

The process of embracing our shadow side calls us to uncover the gifts and receive the wisdom hidden within each and every aspect of ourselves, particularly the ones that we are ashamed of or embarrassed by. Rather than viewing our weakness, our smallness, our insecurities or our rage as enemies or as obstacles to moving forward in our lives, this process guides us to embrace our so-called defects as the powerful teachers that they are. The Shadow Process is founded on the understanding that every quality, every emotion and every experience comes bearing great gifts. Once we learn how to uncover these gifts we become the powerful masters of our lives. We develop the ability to transform thoughts, beliefs or situations that once held us back into fuel for our spiritual evolution and the manifestation of our dreams. Embracing our shadow allows us to reclaim the power we once gave away. When we are at peace within ourselves, our self-esteem no longer depends on the approval of others. Our own sense of self-worth is no longer at the mercy of how other people feel about us. When we receive the gifts of our dark side, something truly miraculous occurs. Our wounds are transformed into wisdom and the parts of us we once believed to be our deepest flaws are revealed as our greatest assets.

Embracing our shadows is the ultimate act of self-love. There is no greater love than the one that allows us to shine a light on the aspects of ourselves that we have judged and made wrong. Embracing our dark side gives us a new found freedom to be with the darkness in others. For when I can love all of me, I will love all of you. Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior. It takes us to a new place where we can open our hearts to all of ourselves and all of humanity.

Shadow work is not about perfection; it’s about integration. It is the path of reclaiming each and every aspect of ourselves and discovering how that aspect can serve us. It requires us to look at our lives from the perspective that we have been given everything we need to fulfill our hearts’ desires. And the greatest of these gifts lies hidden in our shadow. If we look for the gift of our weakness, we may find that it has actually given us strength or that it has allowed us to be supported by others. The gift of our fear might be our determination or our ability to set good boundaries. The gift of an upsetting situation is that it could lead us to read a life-changing book. The gifts of our pain are here for us to receive, but first we must be willing to look for them.

Each of us must make the conscious choice to step out of the belief that we are victims of our lives and open up to the possibility that we have created our particular circumstances for a reason. We must commit to looking at our lives as though each and every quality, person and circumstance has been drawn to us in order to give us specific insights and wisdom. This requires us to examine each aspect of ourselves and our lives and ask, "Why would I need this? How could this be a catalyst for me to grow and evolve? How could this quality or situation serve me in creating the life I desire?"  Transformation requires nothing more than having a shift in perception. It is choosing to look at our lives in a way that empowers us rather than disempowers us. At its core, this process requires us to make the choice to see ourselves though the eyes of the Divine.

I believe that the shadow is the greatest gift that God/ddess could give us. It is the teacher, the trainer, and the guide that supports us in uncovering our true magnificence. The shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. Dig your hands into its rich soil and you will discover the potent seeds of the person you most desire to be. Our most hated, feared or shamed qualities are the ones that hold the key to living the life of our dreams. What the Shadow Process provides is a way to love what we have feared, to decode the messages we receive from within and to unleash the power that is hidden within you.

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you know it's sad when...

2008-04-07

it's almost 4am and you can't sleep.

it's almost 3am and your body suddenly reminds you that the most you have eaten all day are toasted coconut covered marshmellows and now your sugar is too low, and you have to eat.

when you have a house full of groceries, your mind is shutting down due to lack of insulin, and you're shaking like an alcoholic with the DT's but you decide that you're in too much pain to eat.

you know its sad when you are so lonely for company that you visit your best friend's Myspace page and Facebook page just to stare at the pictures of someone... who DOES HAVE A LIFE!

it's even worse when you wonder if there are enough sugars in baby carrot sticks, just so you don't have to cook or take much energy to eat at 4am, but you decide that slipping into a coma due to low blood sugar would piss off your Master, entirely too much.

you know its sad when you wait for your mate to fall asleep just so you can hold the flogger, you bought months ago, in your hands... letting swish softly against your legs just so happy, memories will come flooding back....

you have a nightmare that freaks you out so bad that you don't want to sleep, but then you have thoughts that falling asleep while sugar is so low might be the best thing that happened to everyone in your life....
 
you sleep with a stuffed shigure dog just because it still only faintly smells like him and you don't want to forget that even though you're having thoughts that he wouldnt be happy about.

when you're....
....
....
....

when you lie in bad, shaking still, wishing the juice would kick in, and the tears flowing down your face would stop before...

you use to cry a lot less, before you decided to stop cutting yourself forever, because it would upset Him, and you didn;t want to disappoint your Master.

you think just a few slices of a knife across your arms would make you feel so much better, than the pain you feel inside right now...
but you've become weak, cause now you don't want to have to tell Him that you cut yourself.

you sniffle in bed quietly because you don't want your mate waking up to hurt you in any way... so you hold the pain  you feel inside now, so tightly inside you that you feel like its going to start screaming to get out.

when you had a better weekend than maybe you think you deserve to have considering everything that might have happened.

you know you will delete a section of this because... there is one thing about sharing your thoughts with everyone, there is quite another in sharing that which might hurt another by your own pathetic admissions.


**to those reading this, my blood sugar rose back to where it should be after some juice and a few glucose tablets.  So I didn't kill myself through the night, no matter what some of you might have thought.

And yes I did remove a section of these ramblings... it was too painful, internally to post or share. Im finally going to sleep now that its a,most 5 o clock.

well i guess its not sad that i finally think i can fall asleep**

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History of Ostara

2008-03-06

History of Ostara

Many Holidays, Many Names:

The word Ostara is just one of the names applied to the celebration of the spring equinox on March 21. The Venerable Bede said the origin of the word is actually from Eostre, a Germanic goddess of spring. Of course, it's also the same time as the Christian Easter celebration, and in the Jewish faith, Passover takes place as well. For early Pagans in the Germanic countries, this was a time to celebrate planting and the new crop season. Typically, the Celtic peoples did not celebrate Ostara as a holiday, although they were in tune with the changing of the seasons.
A New Day Begins:

A dynasty of Persian kings known as the Achaemenians celebrated the spring equinox with the festival of Noruz -- which means "new day." It is a celebration of hope and renewal still observed today in many Persian countries, and has its roots in Zoroastrianism. In Iran, a festival called Chahar-Shanbeh Suri takes place right before Noruz begins, and people purify their homes and leap over fires to welcome the 13-day celebration of Noruz.
Mad as a March Hare:

Spring equinox is a time for fertility and sowing seeds, and so nature's fertility goes a little crazy. In medieval societies in Europe, the March hare was viewed as a major fertility symbol -- this is a species of rabbit that is nocturnal most of the year, but in March when mating season begins, there are bunnies everywhere all day long. The female of the species is superfecund and can conceive a second litter while still pregnant with a first. As if that wasn't enough, the males tend to get frustrated when rebuffed by their mates, and bounce around erratically when discouraged.
The Legends of Mithras:

The story of the Roman god, Mithras, is similar to the tale of Jesus Christ and his resurrection. Born at the winter solstice and resurrected in the spring, Mithras helped his followers ascend to the realm of light after death. In one legend, Mithras, who was popular amongst members of the Roman military, was ordered by the Sun to sacrifice a white bull. He reluctantly obeyed, but at the moment when his knife entered the creature's body, a miracle took place. The bull turned into the moon, and Mithras' cloak became the night sky. Where the bull's blood fell flowers grew, and stalks of grain sprouted from its tail.
Spring Celebrations Around the World:

In ancient Rome, the followers of Cybele believed that their goddess had a consort who was born via a virgin birth. His name was Attis, and he died and was resurrected each year during the time of the vernal equinox on the Julian Calendar (between March 22 and March 25). Around the same time, the Germanic tribes honored a lunar goddess known as Ostara, who mated with a fertility god around this time of year, and then gave birth nine months later – at Yule.

The indigenous Mayan people in Central American have celebrated a spring equinox festival for ten centuries. As the sun sets on the day of the equinox on the great ceremonial pyramid, El Castillo, Mexico, its "western face...is bathed in the late afternoon sunlight. The lengthening shadows appear to run from the top of the pyramid's northern staircase to the bottom, giving the illusion of a diamond-backed snake in descent." This has been called "The Return of the Sun Serpent" since ancient times.

According to the venerable Bede, Eostre was the Saxon version of the Germanic goddess Ostara. Her feast day was held on the full moon following the vernal equinox -- almost the identical calculation as for the Christian Easter in the west. One delightful legend associated with Eostre was that she found an injured bird on the ground one winter. To save its life, she transformed it into a hare. But "the transformation was not a complete one. The bird took the appearance of a hare but retained the ability to lay eggs. ..the hare would decorate these eggs and leave them as gifts to Eostre."
Modern Celebrations

This is a good time of year to start your seedlings. If you grow an herb garden, start getting the soil ready for late spring plantings. Celebrate the balance of light and dark as the sun begins to tip the scales, and the return of new growth is near.

Many modern Wiccans and Pagans celebrate Ostara as a time of renewal and rebirth. Take some time to celebrate the new life that surrounds you in nature -- walk in park, lay in the grass, hike through a forest. As you do so, observe all the new things beginning around you -- plants, flowers, insects, birds. Meditate upon the ever-moving Wheel of the Year, and celebrate the change of seasons.

Rituals and Ceremonies

Depending on your particular tradition, there are many different ways you can celebrate Ostara, but typically it is observed as a time to mark the coming of Spring and the fertility of the land. By watching agricultural changes -- such as the ground becoming warmer, and the emergence of plants from the ground -- you'll know exactly how you should welcome the season.

Here are a few rituals you may want to think about trying -- and remember, any of them can be adapted for either a solitary practitioner or a small group, with just a little planning ahead.

    * Setting up your Ostara Altar
    * Ostara Ritual for Solitaries
    * The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Chocolate Rabbit - an Ostara rite for kids
    * Ostara Rebirthing Ritual

Traditions and Trends

Modern Book of Shadows Old & new rituals for modern life love, justice, dragon, money spells
Patrick hated snakes, and why the Easter bunny brings eggs for us to eat!

    * Deities of Ostara
    * Magical Spring Flowers
    * Easter Eggs: Pagan or Not?
    * Beware the Ides of March!
    * St. Patrick and the Snakes

Family and Friends

As Ostara rolls in, you can decorate your home (and keep your kids entertained) with a number of easy craft projects. Start celebrating a bit early with a St. Patrick's Day Snake Wreath or a basket of naturally-dyed eggs.

    * Spring Snake Wreath
    * Naturally Colored Ostara Eggs

Feasting and Food

No Pagan celebration is really complete without a meal to go along with it. For Ostara, celebrate with foods that honor the the coming of spring -- eggs, early spring greens, shoots and sprouts, and of course, the all-important marshmellow Peep.

    * Surprise Lemon Bread
    * Spring Sprout Salad with Homemade Honey Mustard Dressing


How To Hold an Ostara Ritual for Solitaries



Ostara is a time of balance. It is a time of equal parts light and dark. At Mabon, we have this same balance, but the light is leaving us. Today, six months later, it is returning. Spring has arrived, and with it comes hope and warmth. Deep within the cold earth, seeds are beginning to sprout. In the damp fields, the livestock are preparing to give birth. In the forest, under the canopy of newly sprouted leaves, the animals of the wild ready their dens for the arrival of their young. Spring is here.

Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Varied
Here's How:

   1.  For this ritual, you'll want to decorate your altar with symbols of the season. Think about all the colors you see in nature at this time of year -- bright daffodils, crocuses, plump tulips, green shoots -- and incorporate them into your altar. This is also a time of fertility in the natural world -- the egg is the perfect representation of this aspect of the season. Symbols of young animals such as lambs, chicks, and calves are also great altar adornments for Ostara.

   2.  In addition, you'll need the following:
          * Three candles -- one yellow, one green, and one purple
          * A bowl of milk
          * A small bowl of honey or sugar

      Perform this ritual outside if at all possible, in the early morning as the sun rises. It's spring, so it may be a bit chilly, but it's a good time to reconnect with the earth. If your tradition normally requires you to cast a circle, do so now.

   3.  Begin by taking a moment to focus on the air around you. Inhale deeply, and see if you can smell the change in the seasons. Depending on where you live, the air may have an earthy aroma, or a rainy one, or even smell like green grass. Sense the shift in energy as the Wheel of the Year has turned. Light the green candle, to symbolize the blossoming earth. As you light it, say:

      The Wheel of the Year turns once more,
      and the vernal equinox arrives.
      Light and dark are equal,
      and the soil begins to change.
      The earth awakes from its slumber,
      and new life springs forth once more.

   4.  Next, light the yellow candle, representing the sun. As you do so, say:

      The sun draws ever closer to us,
      greeting the earth with its welcoming rays.
      Light and dark are equal,
      and the sky fills with light and warmth.
      The sun warms the land beneath our feet,
      and gives life to all in its path.
     
   5.  Finally, light the purple candle. This one represents the Divine in our lives -- whether you call it a god or a goddess, whether you identify it by name or simply as a universal life force, this is the candle which stands for all the things we do not know, all those things we cannot understand, but that are the sacred in our daily lives. As you light this candle, focus on the Divine around and within you.

    6. Say:
 

      Spring has come! For this, we are thankful!
      The Divine is present all around,
      in the cool fall of a rain storm,
      in the tiny buds of a flower,
      in the down of a newborn chick,
      in the fertile fields waiting to be planted,
      in the sky above us,
      and in the earth below us.
      We thank the universe* for all it has to offer us,
      and are so blessed to be alive on this day.
      Welcome, life! Welcome, light! Welcome, spring!

   7.  Take a moment and meditate on the three flames before you and what they symbolize. Consider your own place within these three things -- the earth, the sun, and the Divine. How do you fit into the grand scheme of things? How do you find balance between light and dark in your own life?

      Finally, blend the milk and honey together, mixing gently. Pour it onto the ground around your altar space as an offering to the earth**. As you do, you may wish to say something like:

      I make this offering to the earth,
      As thanks for the many blessings I have received,
      And those I shall some day receive.

   8.  Once you have made your offering, stand for a minute facing your altar. Feel the cool earth beneath your feet, and the sun on your face. Take in every sensation of this moment, and know that you are in a perfect place of balance between light and dark, winter and summer, warmth and cold -- a time of polarity and harmony.

      When you are ready, end the ritual.

Tips:

   1. * Instead of "the Universe", feel free to insert the name of your patron deity or the gods of your tradition here.
   2. ** If you're doing this rite indoors, take your bowl of milk and honey and pour it in your garden, or around your yard.

What You Need:

    * Three candles - yellow, green and purple
    * A bowl of milk
    * A small bowl of honey or sugar
    * Seasonal decorations for your altar

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rememberance

2008-03-03

i wish i understood why i react the way i do
why my emotions seem to control me at times
like why is my need so great?
what i wish i knew...

is why the past comes back and hits me in the face
when i least expect it to
why cant it stay hidden
trapped
boxed up
forever....

funeral rites for the memories
that i wish to forget
death flowers for those hateful times

i just want to forget
i want to never be remembered
never told that i remind him of her

never touched in that way
would rather you kill me
strike away at me
strip away my defenses
till there is nothing left
a shell of nothing
not even
memories.

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The Power of Passionate Work

2008-02-28

I used to be a reporter for my local big city newspaper, back in my 20's, and after working there for a the better part of a decade, I reached a threshold--the word in this case having a double meaning as both a point of transition and a measurement of my tolerance for pain.

At this threshold I began hearing a calling to quit my job and become a freelance writer, a decision that's not exactly designed to reassure your parents, and one that I couldn't bring myself to make for years anyway, though the gods were drumming their fingers, and though I was slowly over-ripening and rotting on the vine.

Like most people, however, I will not follow a calling until the fear of doing so is finally exceeded by the pain of not doing so, though I am routinely appalled at how high a threshold I have for this quality of pain. But eventually the prospect of emotional and even financial turmoil, the disapproval of others, and the various conniptions of change seemed preferable to the psychological death I was experiencing by staying put--at which point I followed a bit of cowboy wisdom: when your horse dies, get off!

Still, like anyone who chooses passion over security, I was plagued by the fear that scares away sleep. And it wasn't that I finally overcame the fear. It was that something else became more important than the fear. I still sweated through leaving behind a regular paycheck, medical benefits, a pension coming in two years, the prestige of being a big fish in a good-sized pond, and that wonderful organizational budget that can take up the slack created by almost any amount of individual goofing off: clock-watching, coming in to work late and leaving early, extra-long lunches, indiscriminate wastes of supplies, and those sick days I came back from with a tan. These are standard behaviors exhibited by people who feel about their jobs the way they felt about their senior year in high school: psychologically out-the-door, but punching in Monday through Friday just to collect the diploma.

The ancient Romans used to say that the Fates lead those who will, and those who won't they drag. My own experience has also taught me that those who get dragged tend to put a drag on others, and if those others are the people they work with and for, you've got your basic lose-lose situation.

Passion and productivity

Creating passionate, productive and callings-inspired work and workplaces begins with the individual, with the corpus (body) that defines the corporation. It involves the sometimes pick-and-shovel work of aligning or re-aligning with your passion and sense of purpose, with your deepest values rather than just the advertised values, and with a fit between who you are and what you do, which I consider the best kind of success. The more passionate you are, the more productive--the more you desire to produce--and the less hot condensed breath managers will need to leave on the back of your neck.

In fact, any leap you want to make in your professional or personal life that will bring you this sense of alignment and aliveness is, by definition, a calling. That calling could be to leave your job altogether or come to it in a new way, to take on a new role or let go of an old one, to make a creative leap or launch a new venture or style of leadership, or to simply make the kind of course-correction in your life or work that will make your life literally "come true."

And what goes for the individual goes for the company you keep. If it is challenging to walk your talk, to honor your mission and your values, to reconcile your visions with your resources, to juggle the higher calling and the bottom line, it is exponentially more so for the corporate body-politic of which each employee is a single cell.

But the more we as individuals address these issues and conundrums in our lives, the more we encourage our corporations to do the same. There is a reason why some of the world's great myths, like Sleeping Beauty and the Grail King, speak to the idea that when we sleep, those around us also sleep and the kingdom goes dormant, but when we awaken, those around us also awaken and the kingdom flowers.

Work is merely one of the arenas in which we play The Game--the one that the gods are watching from their press-box atop Mount Olympus, sipping mint juleps. It is only one of the arenas (along with relationship, community, sports and spirituality, among others) in which we express our humanity, search for meaning, play out our destinies and our dreams, contribute our energies and gifts to the world, and spend our precious nick of time. But it is also an arena in which we spend two-thirds of our waking lives, most of us, and it is legitimate to love our work! Life is a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves, Nietzsche said.

It is no coincidence that the American Medical Association discovered some years back that the majority of heart attacks occur around nine o'clock on Monday mornings. This undoubtedly has something to do with what most of us are doing around nine o'clock on Monday mornings, which is going back to work. Or more precisely, going back to work we don't like, work that doesn't match our spirits, work that can literally break your heart.

The cost of security

Unfortunately, most people simply tune out the callings and longings they feel rather than confront and act on them, trading authenticity for security and settling for less. In this sense, money costs too much. The price people are willing to pay to have it is way too steep. It's terribly easy to build yourself a velvet cage: the money is great, the perks enviable (OK, so what if the only reason you're using your medical benefits is that your job is making you sick), the surroundings are familiar, and the security comforting--but you end up becoming at best a recreational user of your passion and creativity. You lose; your company loses; the world loses.

We're all conservatives when it comes to change. We want to conserve the status quo. We want to protect our investments, and the more investments we have, and the more success, the harder it is to let it go. So although the soul doesn't seem to care what price we have to pay to follow our callings, we still react to change with a reflexive flinch, the way snails recoil at the touch. As an acquaintance of mine once put it, "You shall know the truth and it shall make you nap."

Those who refuse their passions and purposes in life, who are afraid of becoming what they perhaps already are--unhappy--will not of course experience the unrest (or the joy) that usually accompanies the embrace of a calling. Having attempted nothing, they haven't failed, and they can console themselves that if none of their dreams come true, than at least neither will their nightmares.

The rub is that the human psyche is like the Earth--it is a closed system. There is no "out" as in "throwing the garbage out." There is no trash icon. Whatever energies we ignore or repress will come up somewhere else, at the very least in our dreams and fantasies. And the frustrations and regrets in our lives become like tombstones, reminding us of where someone is buried.

Remembering what we already know

The soul is a spiritual organ that we carry to work with us every day, and it informs and observes every move we make. There is no ignoring its demands with impunity. It is capable of meting out punishments as real as any that could be meted out by a boss. It is the ultimate BS-detector, the part of us that absolutely knows what it knows, that knows the feel of integrity and the feel of its absence. It is also the part of us that sees the big picture of our lives, the blueprint against which all our actions are compared, and which is hardwired into each of us.

As the cells in a fertilized human egg multiply, very early on they reach a point when subtle indentations appear in the cell-ball, which distinguish the head from the hindquarters (a distinction that seems to be lost entirely on some people). Nonetheless, if at this point you take a cell from the head and place it down at the hindquarters, it will migrate back up. In other words, it knows what it is. It knows what it's supposed to become. And at some level, so do we! The work is to remember something we already know, at a cellular level.

A calling is an organism, a living entity, with an animus all its own. It exerts a centrifugal force on our lives, continually pushing out from within. It drives us toward authenticity and aliveness, against the tyranny of fear and inertia and occasionally reason, and it is metered by the knocking in our hearts that signals the hour. If we are at all faithful to our calls, to the driving force of soul in our lives, it will lead us to a point of decision. Here we must decide whether to say yes or no, now or later, ready or not. And it will keep coming back until we give it an answer.

Saying yes to a call tends to place us on a path that half of ourselves thinks doesn't make a bit of sense, but the other half knows our lives won't make sense without. We find ourselves following the blind spiritual instinct that tells us our lives have purpose and meaning, that this calling is part of it, and that we must act on it despite the temptations to back down and run for cover that will divide even the most grimly resolute against themselves.

The Mach 1 experience

Saying yes--sometimes merely thinking about saying yes--also tends to throw very opposing energies into our lives. The voices of "Yes" and "No." The voices of head and heart. And you can count on the head to say, "Have you taken a look at your savings account lately?" or "That's not company policy." And you can count on the heart to ask, "Where would the world be if all of its heroes followed the bottom line?"

One part of you wants to awaken, one part wants to sleep. One part wants to follow the call, the other wants to run like hell. Courage is joined at the hip with anxiety. I've heard it said, however, that heroism (or heroinism) can be redefined for the modern age as the ability to tolerate paradox. To hold two competing forces inside us at the same time and still retain the ability to function. To allow our souls to become boxing rings and still hang onto our marbles.

In the movie "The Right Stuff," there is a scene in which the pilot Chuck Yeager is attempting to break the sound barrier for the first time, and just before he hits that illustrious Mach 1 (roughly 750 miles per hour), the plane starts shaking and shuddering and threatening to break apart. Then suddenly at Mach 1 he breaks through and experiences a glorious silence, and a perfectly smooth ride. There is something of a Mach 1 experience in any attempt at a breakthrough. There is resistance, shaking and shuddering, and it's not opposed to the breakthrough; it's part of it. But it takes a resilient "corpus" and a resilient "corporation" to encourage and harness this chain-reaction, which begins as soon as someone follows a calling, as soon as someone says yes to passion and soul.

Without the shuddering, though, there is no growth. A chemist named Ilya Prigogine demonstrated that in a theory that won him the Nobel Prize. He showed that " the capacity to be shaken up" is, ironically, the key to growth, and that any system--whether at the molecular level, or the chemical, physical, social, psychological or spiritual--that is protected from disturbance is also protected from change and becomes stagnant.

"I'd rather be sailing"

I used to do a lot of stone sculpting, and when you want to find out whether a stone is "true," you bang on it with a hammer. If it gives off a dull tone, it means the stone has faults running through it that will crack it apart when you work on it. But if it gives off a clear ring, one that hangs in the air for a moment, it means the stone is true, has integrity, and most importantly will hold up under repeated blows.

That is the same information we want about our visions and ventures and callings. We want to know that they're going to hold up under repeated blows, and among the best ways to determine this is simply to bang on them, and listen. To take them out, or rather down from the abstract into the physical, and let them get banged on by the mortal world. Let the fear and resistance come, let people have their say, let the chaos blow through, because disturbance = growth, because moving and shaking go together, and because chaos is part of the creative process.

In the central creation story in Western cosmology--the Bible--Chaos with a capital C is described as simply the condition of the Earth before it was formed. In other words, Chaos precedes Creation. We deny ourselves one, we deny ourselves the other.

Ultimately, none of us want bumper stickers on our cars that say, "I'd rather be sailing," or "The worst day fishing is better than the best day working." We want to do what we'd rather be doing. We want our lives--and the work to which we are devoting our lives--to catch fire and burn blue, not smolder. We want to feel called, not just driven. We want work to be a channel through which we express our passion and vitality, not a chin-up bar we have to pull ourselves up to every morning. And we want success to be a way we feel, not just a thing we achieve.

To do this, we must incorporate into our lives and our work the understand that hidden deep in the clockworks of the human heart is the beneficent fear of living life, as Henry Miller once put it, without ever leaving the birdcage, and that this fear can be the beginning of great things. Outside the cage, there is life in all its toothsome grandeur, all the spill and stomp and shout of it, all the come and go of it, all of it waiting for us to act on the one hand, and on the other hand rushing down the hourglass.

                                            ***reprinted for everyone who has everyone thought about leaving a situation: a job, a career, a living situation, and starting a new life, a new job, a new career.  Changing and becoming something that you want to be because you feel it intrinscly.

Written by a member of Wolf Clan. Printed for all to share, permission given by the Elders at Wolf Clan.

"knowledge is power" SilverWolf

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Distant Healing (for Shamans)

2008-02-21

Note: this ritual is an action whose end result affects another. Please make sure the recipient of these healing energies actually wants them.

Special Tools:

• Three white candles
• A picture of the recipient (If you don't have one, write the recipient's name and birth date on a piece of paper, and visualize him/her)
• A quartz crystal (optional)
• Rose, Eucalyptus, Gardenia or Peppermint incense, for healing

The Irish Goddess Brigid is a healing Goddess, as is the Sumerian Goddess Nanna. You can invoke Her with either of these names before this rite for extra healing power. If you are a practicing Christian as well as Shaman then you can invoke your own God. **

The Ritual

Light the candles in a semi-circle in front of you.

Place the incense off to one side, and place the picture inside the semi-circle, facing you, with the crystal on it.

Breathe deeply to center and then raise energy however works best for you - chanting, singing, drumming, dancing, whatever

When you have reached your peak energy, direct it to the picture or the piece of paper. I find it helpful to direct the energy through my fingertips, visualizing a healing blue-white light streaming through me and into the recipient.

Directing it through a piece of quartz enhances the distance the energy can travel.

Visualize the candles forming a protective ring of fire around the recipient, blocking all harm and pain.

Visualize the healing light coming through you and finding the source of the illness or pain in the recipient, coating it, relieving the pain and filling the recipient with energy and life.

You probably will be very tired after this, so eat a piece of fruit or bread and drink some juice to ground and revive yourself.

Thank the Goddess or your God, if you invoked Her or him.

It is done.

 

(**Note: For those who do not believe that Christianity and Shamanism can co-exist peacefully together, You are incorrect.  Because Shamanism is about Healing and one's own beliefs in how they are learning or being taught to go about this Path is a personal one. I want to stress it here because a friend of mine is a Christian and is becoming Shaman as well.  He is a natural born healer and empath and just because He believes in one God instead of the Pantheon that I do; makes no difference.  We are both studying Shamanism, and healing and the tools needed to be a well rounded Shaman.  The group that is working with us, has Christians, Druids, Neo-Pagans, Wiccans, Zen-Buddhists, Hopi, Cherokee, and several other religious Paths.  What we all have in common is that we come together to learn about different types of Shamanism and how they will begin to fit into our own lives so that we may help heal those around us as well as the world in which we live.  **)

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An Update

2008-02-14

I know I haven't been around for awhile but I have been in the hospital with Gastrointeritis.  I was released last night but I am still not up to writing much yet and my computer is shot as well.  So I need to get it fixed and/or get a new one because...

 My settlement check came while I was in the hospital.  I'll be opening an account this weekend for myself.  Yay!

And then settling up with the lawyer and then getting in touch with SS so I can set up Direct deposit.  Otherwise I just need lots of rest.  And as much non-stress as possible.

Take care everyone and be good to one another.

Blessed Be 

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Masochist vs. Cutter

2008-02-02

Masochist versus Cutting

 

What is the difference between the two?  Do the lines become blurred especially when you are like me and have submissive tendencies?  Another sub from another site is also attempting to work this question out for her as well.

To be a Masochist: in my belief is to hand over trust to one's Dom and allow them to hurt you so that you gain sexual release from the pain. It's done in a Safe, Sane and Consensual manner for both the submissive and their Dominant.

I am not a Masochist. I do not find any sexual gratification from pain of any kind.  Those who might have read past blogs, may wonder about statements I have made regarding how erotic spanking can be sometimes when added during certain situations.  There is a REAL difference between an erotic spanking during love making with a partner or even one's Master.  And the kind of spanking that a Master or Dom/me does to punish their slave.  Here they are attempting to teach a lesson.  But even then it is completely based on the SSC manner and Trust and Respect always plays part.

I know that when I am being punished (either physically or by his stern words) that he is not trying to hurt me so that he can "take a power trip" or that he just wants to hurt me.  He is doing his level best to teach me right from wrong.  To mold me in the best way he can.  I give him my TRUST freely to do so.  I know that once the punishment is over and I have apologized again, at that point he will forgive me.  I will have learned a powerful lesson that is meant to break me down but also to build me back up again with his words and deeds.  I also know that he will not continue to punish me for past wrongs that I have already been forgiven for.  We start again with a CLEAN SLATE.

Which is why, in my opinion it is the best to truly know one's Master or Dominant.  Do not just give your trust to the first person you meet. It is the same in the Vanilla world; you would not just act a certain way with the first person you meet and jump into a relationship with them.  And again this is all MY OPINION only.  

As for the cutting.

I have been a cutter off and on since I was 7 years old and needed the release that the physical pain gave me over the emotional torment that I was going through.  I used cutting when I was not able to process the emotional, mental, physical and sexual torment that my own step-uncle pushed on me. I did not know how to deal with what he did to me. It did not excite me to be spanked or whipped till bleeding by him or my own father and even as an adult when I started exploring my own submissive tendencies; I could not find any sexual release from the pain of whip being plied to my flesh or the humiliation that many Doms/Masters would use as well. It would always trigger flashbacks till I got years of therapy.
  
Now that I deal better with the stress in my life and cut a lot less. But when I do cut, it's usually to mask the emotional pain that is still sometimes so hard for me to deal with that cutting is sometimes just the release I need to remind myself that: 1.) I am still Alive and not NUMB anymore or hiding. 2.) Sometimes it is just a form of physical punishment that I think I need because I have messed up somewhere, or that I feel I need. No one else is asking me to punish myself and certainly my own Master would not think my cutting is good for me. 3.) Finally, there are times when I feel that it's the only thing I deserve and when that is the case; I find it easy to press blade to skin and bleed.  But it is never hard enough to need stitches. I have only cut that bad a few times in my life.
 
These days I am with a Master that understands my past and how certain things affect it. As we grow together, I know I will be punished when it is necessary (as I have already) so that Master may teach me the right way of doing things that will only improve ME and make me stronger. I don't relish these punishments, as I would rather have him proud of me at all costs than ever disappointed.
 
I try to remind myself now, when I feel the urge to cut that I am owned, Collared by my Master and within that relationship, He owns me and when I cut my body, I am in fact telling myself and Him that I care so little for myself that I am willing to cut myself.  Hurting myself in that fashion I think sends the wrong message to Him as well as for myself. I love myself now and I do not want to show ugly scars to the world. Nor do I wish to disappoint myself by cutting. It becomes a double whammy for me.

I have changed little by little and I could not have done so without the strength that I pull from our relationship and friendship.

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Imbolg

2008-02-01

Imbolc

(February 2) Imbolc/Imbolg is the Old Irish name for an ancient Celtic festival occurring at the beginning of February. Imbolc was the second of the four great fire festivals of Celtic religion and under Christian influence was also known as Candlemas. From early times Imbolc was associated with the fire goddess Brighid, and celebrated the approach of spring and the promise of renewal.

 

Druid’s belief of Imbolg

Imbolc, (pronounced "IM-bulk" or "EM-bowlk"), also called Oimealg, ("IM-mol'g), by the Druids, is the festival of the lactating sheep. It is derived from the Gaelic word "oimelc" which means "ewes milk". Herd animals have either given birth to the first offspring of the year or their wombs are swollen and the milk of life is flowing into their teats and udders. It is the time of Blessing of the seeds and consecration of agricultural tools. It marks the center point of the dark half of the year. It is the festival of the Maiden, for from this day to March 21st, it is her season to prepare for growth and renewal. Brighid's snake emerges from the womb of the Earth Mother to test the weather, (the origin of Ground Hog Day), and in many places the first Crocus flowers began to spring forth from the frozen earth.

The Maiden is honored, as the Bride, on this Sabbat. Straw Brideo'gas (corn dollies) are created from oat or wheat straw and placed in baskets with white flower bedding. Young girls then carry the Brideo'gas door to door, and gifts are bestowed upon the image from each household. Afterwards at the traditional feast, the older women make special acorn wands for the dollies to hold, and in the morning the ashes in the hearth are examined to see if the magic wands left marks as a good omen. Brighid's Crosses are fashioned from wheat stalks and exchanged as symbols of protection and prosperity in the coming year. Home hearth fires are put out and re-lit, and a besom is place by the front door to symbolize sweeping out the old and welcoming the new. Candles are lit and placed in each room of the house to honor the re-birth of the Sun.

Another traditional symbol of Imbolc is the plough. In some areas, this is the first day of ploughing in preparation of the first planting of crops. A decorated plough is dragged from door to door, with costumed children following asking for food, drinks, or money. Should they be refused, the household is paid back by having its front garden ploughed up. In other areas, the plough is decorated and then Whiskey, the "water of life" is poured over it. Pieces of cheese and bread are left by the plough and in the newly turned furrows as offerings to the nature spirits. It is considered taboo to cut or pick plants during this time.

Various other names for this Greater Sabbat are Imbolgc Brigantia (Caledonni), Imbolic (Celtic), Disting (Teutonic, Feb 14th), Lupercus (Strega), St. Bridget's Day (Christian), Candlemas, Candlelaria (Mexican), the Snowdrop Festival. The Festival of Lights, or the Feast of the Virgin. All Virgin and Maiden Goddesses are honored at this time.

Deities of Imbolc:
All Virgin/Maiden Goddesses, Brighid, Aradia, Athena, Inanna, Gaia, and Februa, and Gods of Love and Fertility, Aengus Og, Eros, and Februus.

Symbolism of Imbolc:
Purity, Growth and Re-Newal, The Re-Union of the Goddess and the God, Fertility, and dispensing of the old and making way for the new.

Symbols of Imbolc:
Brideo'gas, Besoms, White Flowers, Candle Wheels, Brighid's Crosses, Priapic Wands (acorn-tipped), and Ploughs.

Herbs of Imbolc:
Angelica, Basil, Bay Laurel, Blackberry, Celandine, Coltsfoot, Heather, Iris, Myrrh, Tansy, Violets, and all white or yellow flowers.

Foods of Imbolc:
Pumpkin seeds, Sunflower seeds, Poppy seed Cakes, muffins, scones, and breads, all dairy products, Peppers, Onions, Garlic, Raisins, Spiced Wines and Herbal Teas.

Incense of Imbolc:
Basil, Bay, Wisteria, Cinnamon, Violet, Vanilla, Myrrh.

Colors of Imbolc:
White, Pink, Red, Yellow, lt. Green, Brown.

Stones of Imbolc:
Amethyst, Bloodstone, Garnet, Ruby, Onyx, Turquoise.

Activities of Imbolc:
Candle Lighting, Stone Gatherings, Snow Hiking and Searching for Signs of Spring, Making of Brideo'gas and Bride's Beds, Making Priapic Wands, Decorating Ploughs, Feasting, and Bon Fires maybe lit.

 

 

 

A Candlemas Rite for One

A great time to do this ritual would be on the evening of February 1st, just before you go to bed.

Begin by cleaning your bathroom. Gather votive candles, music, incense and oils, etc. Lay out a clean robe and whatever jewelry you prefer to wear for ritual. Then thoroughly clean the room where you plan to hold your ritual. Set up the altar. You will need the following:

An altar cloth of red, white or both of these colors

Five unlit candles, preferably white or red, and matches

A bowl of water and a small container of salt

Incense and a burner(choose a seasonal scent)

A chalice, cup or goblet filled with pure water or a healing herbal tea such as chamomile

A picture or symbol of something you have created or the thing itself

A small stone of red (such as carnelian, garnet, ruby or red jasper) or white (such as clear quartz or selenite)

Art, writing or craft materials (your choice)

Special refreshments (your choice)

Now fill the bathtub with water, and add ingredients that make the water fragrant or cleansing. (Bath salts, bath tea or flower essences are good choices). A cup of apple-cider vinegar gets you squeaky clean and acts as a natural deodorant and moisturizer! Have your favorite relaxation music playing softly. Light a few votive candles in colorful glass holders, and set them around the bathroom. If you wish, light incense. As you soak in the tub, consciously release all the cares of the day, then the tribulations of the past year. Seek through the recesses of your mind and discover any pain, fear, anger, or disappointment; embody these feelings in a figure of snow; visualize the sun rising and the snow melting in the warmth of returning spring. Let those feelings go, and immediately replace them with emotions, memories and the dreams of the opposite sort: healing where there was pain, courage instead of fear, love to replace anger, hopes realized to banish disappointment.

When you feel clean and content, leave the bath, dry yourself and put on a clean robe. Enter the ritual room in darkness. Sit and breathe deeply and slowly for a few moments. Now light a single candle, saying:

In the midst of darkness, I create light. In the time of cold, I bring warmth. In the depth of winter, I find the signs of spring.

Ritually purify the room with Earth and Water (a little salt mixed in water), then Fire and Air (incense). Create a sacred space by casting the circle, with words of your own choosing or these:

I conjure thee, O circle of light and power, that thou may be a boundry between the outer darkness and the inner flame; a guardian and a protection, to preserve and contain the power I shall raise within; wherefore, do I bless and consecrate thee!

Call the Elemental Powers:

Facing East:

Powers of Air, I call upon thee. Winter winds, gentle breezes of spring, come to my circle. Bring the breadth of life, and the inspiration of poets and artists Blessed Be!

Facing South:

Powers of Fire, I call upon thee. Crackling hearth fire, waxing sunlight, come to my circle. Bring the warmth of the new season, and the purifying power of your flames. Blessed Be!

Facing West:

Powers of Water, I call upon thee. Crystallized snow, trickling streams of snowmelt, come to my circle. Bring the healing waters from your sacred springs and holy wells. Blessed Be!

Facing North:

Powers of Earth, I call upon thee. Fallow fields, first buds of tree and flower, come to my circle. Bring the knowledge of smith and artisan, the skill to shape metal and matter. Blessed Be!

In your own words, invite Brigit, the great Celtic triple goddess of healing, inspiration, and smithcraft, to your circle. You may also wish to invite the male aspect of divinity; one good choice would be Dagda, the "Good Father" and god of protection and abundance.

Now be seated before the altar, and ask the Three Blessings of Brigit:

Healing: Think about your health. Resolve to take specific steps to heal any part of you that needs it; write them down. Take up the chalice, salute Brigit, say, "I ask for Your blessing of Healing," and drink it down. Light a second candle on the altar.

Inspiration: What project or problem faces you that requires inspiration? Where do you need ideas, insights, and understanding? Speak your need aloud. Lift the incense burner (carefully, if it's hot), waft some of the smoke toward your face and inhale gently, then say, "I ask for Your blessing of Inspiration." Light another candle on the altar.

Craft: Meditate on what you want to create in the season ahead. A work of art, a piece of furniture, a new skill such as cooking or competence with a computer? Speak aloud (and write down) the first three steps you will take to achieve it. Look at the item on your altar that represents something you have already made or achieved, and remember how you did it. Take the small read or white stone and say, "I ask for your Blessing of Smithcraft." Light another candle. Carry the stone with you until you have met your goal.

Stand and speak these words:

Three blessings have asked, and now I ask one more. Brigit, goddess of sovereignty who grants power to kings, grant that I may have rulership over myself; my own imagination, my will, my emotions, my body, and my life, that I may do my part to make all blessings real. Blessed Be!

(Light the fifth candle.)

Now celebrate in the way that feels best to you: write a poem, make something with your hands, dance, enjoy refreshments, or whatever you wish. When you are about ready for sleep, say farewell to the Elemental powers, thank Brigit and open the circle.

Carefully extinguish all the candles and incense, both in the bathroom and where you held your ritual. Retire to bed and sleep well.

 

 

 

Recipes for Imbolg

Pesto Artichoke Hearts Baked in Parmesan

Warm your beloved's heart with this impressive (but so simple!) hot appetizer featuring pesto made from basil, the love herb. Wonderfully accompanied with a goblet of Italian white wine, or a nice Chianti.

2 (12 oz) jars marinated artichoke hearts, drained well
2 tablespoons basil pesto
Dash of freshly ground black pepper
Dash of cayenne pepper (optional)
1 cup shredded Parmesan Cheese
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Preheat the oven to 350' degrees.

Cut the artichoke hearts into bite-size pieces. In a mixing bowl, toss the artichokes with the pesto until they are coated. Lightly season with a little freshly ground black pepper and/or dash cayenne pepper to taste.

Pour the artichokes into a lightly oiled oval baking dish. Sprinkle with the Parmesan, and drizzle extra virgin olive oil over the top. Bake for about 15 minutes, or until the artichokes are heated through and the cheese is nicely melted.

Serving Suggestion
Serve with thin crostini (toasted slices of French baguette) or gourmet crackers.
Serves 6 to 8.



Sun-Kissed Carrots Baked in Foil

Sweet and tender carrots infused with the inspiring scent of oranges. A hint of sunshine amidst the dark of winter - just when we need it most.

1 lb organic carrots, scrubbed, ends trimmed, halved lengthwise, and cut into 3 inch pieces
1 medium red onion, peeled, thinly sliced
Sea salt and freshly ground pepper
1 teaspoon dried cumin or ginger (we use ginger)
1 tablespoon of orange zest
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons honey or real maple syrup
2/3 cup orange juice (fresh squeezed is nice if you have it)

Preheat the oven to 425' degrees.

Combine the carrots, onions, sea salt, pepper, ginger or cumin, orange zest and olive oil in a large bowl, and toss to mix.

Cut two large pieces of aluminum foil to make a double thick layer. Center the carrots in the middle of the foil. Cut a piece of foil for the top, match it up and seal 3 sides of the foil by folding up the edges and pinching tightly.

Whisk the honey and orange juice together and carefully pour the juice into the open end, then fold the foil and seal it tightly. Bake the carrots for about 40 to 50 minutes, until tender. Check for tenderness by carefully unsealing one end and testing a carrot with a fork. (Use caution when opening the foil packet. Steam will escape!)

Serves 4.



The following recipe is from my Pagan recipe book. Enjoy!

Potato Leek Soup

4 cups peeled & coarsely chopped potatoes (about 4-5 medium potatoes)
3 cups thinly sliced leeks (@4 leeks; use the white and light green parts)
2 qts. chicken stock (to make vegetarian, substitute with veggie stock)
1 t. salt, black pepper (to taste)
1/2 c. heavy cream (or half and half, or whole milk, all work fine, it just affects the richness of flavor.)
3 T. finely cut fresh chives

Simmer potatoes, leeks, stock, salt, partially covered saucepan for 40-50 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Transfer in small batches to a blender and blend until desired consistency (smooth) is reached. Season with salt and pepper, and stir in cream/milk. Before serving, return soup to low heat and bring it to a simmer. Serve topped with fresh chives.

Serving Suggestion
Serve in a crusty bread bowl.

Serves 4.

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a conversation for the future

2008-01-24

i'm tired and i'd like nothing more than to sleep right now but honestly, i cannot.
i forgot what it was like to sleep at night, safe
without the chance of unhappy surprises happening.

i can't go back, need to stop living in the past.
i want to live in the future
sometimes i know its the past i dwell

the family, mine, not always who i wish they were
the ones i consider family, having never let me down.

we choose our friends and here i choose my future...
live in the present, not the past and forgive myself.

easier said than done.

**Note: tomorrow I will be talking to our doctor.  He's in denial and I know him, if i dont say anything  he may never say anything, he may never get help for himself.

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considerations of recent events

2008-01-16

i've been sick for a few days, ok well, i've actually been sick since a few days before i left NJ and i'm still sick, partially not being helped by the fact that for the first week i was home, i could not sleep when the husband was home because i was fearful that the minute i did he would have my medication.  WHICH HE DID.

he was mad at me about the fact that i would not help him so even though he bought groceries, food for himself.  he didnt buy anything that i could or would eat, because he wanted to remind me that i had already cost him a fortune for my trip away. "AND IF I WASNT GOING TO HELP HIM WHILE HE WAS IN PAIN< THEN HE DIDN"T CARE IF I STARVED OR NOT."  

i havent really been hungry since then anyway, so it doesn't really matter.  he's gotten physical a few times when he mixed OTC sleeping medications. what saved me was my dog, DEIDRE AND SOMEHOW THE ABILITY TO GET BACK IN THE BEDROOM & KEEP IT LOCKED TILL HE SOBERED UP. 

much of that night seems a little spotty for me because even though i was awake when he dragged me from the bed, by my ankle, i have no idea why he was so mad at me.  i still dont. but the next day, he apologized for the first time ever for doing something and not remembering what he did.   even though there have been many of those nights.

i have been pondering many things lately. 

i had been thinking that after years, decades even of the hatred that i carried around for the christian faith: that i no longer i held that hatred anymore.   I HAVE DECIDED TO LET IT GO.  HATING A RELIGION DOES NOT HELP ME  AND YET IT WILL TAKE ME SOME TIME YET FOR THOSE YOU STILL WISH TO WITNESS CONSTANTLY OR WHO'S ONLY ANSWER TO MY ISSUE'S SEEM TO BE "WWJD"  CAUSE I DONT CARE.

then i started to thinking about the fact that my father has never believed me and after all the evidence that he has been confronted with and still he refuses to see that i might have been hurt over his own brother timothy.   maybe he can't see that i can do anything.  and that s why he took the spouse's side.  always taking anyone else's side but my own.  I DON'T HATE MY FATHER, HE IS AFTER ALL MY FATHER, AND HE TRIED HIS BEST CONSIDERING THE WAY HE WAS RAISED, MAYBE I SHOULD LET IT GO, IF I CAN.  if i can?

it only hurts me to continue to dwell on it. clearly he couldn't care less anymore.

which brings me to my uncle timothy, my major abuser. the reason that i still have major triggers to this day, well, he and my father.  but the sexual abuse was truly the kind that i have held onto all these years to; its what i have had nightmares about, made decsions in my life about things about him... because of what he did to me, the harm.  the childhood i will never get back.  but i have been told over and over again that my hatred of him means nothing to him because it only effects me and yet, it has NOT truly helped me either SO I HAD PONDERED THE ABILITY TO FORGIVE.

someone, whom i love and respect more than i can even explain how much.  told me once that forgiveness did not mean i would be forgetting what happened.  im not sure  can ever do that, honesty.  forget i mean,  so i wondered could i actually forgive?
would i be able to forgive myself as easy as forgiving those whom have hurt me in the past...?  I DON'T HONESTLY KNOW

then something happened, something that made me think that maybe ive been selfish lately...

that past post was a trip back that the my Shaman teachers wanted me to make, because learning about your past is a way to learn about our future. and when i was trying to come to terms with all of it, i realized that maybe my uncle wants to hurt me now because he feels that i have destroyed his life. made it impossible for him to be with other women because in the fit of anger i said something that could be considered a curse.  there was darkness in my soul back then, i would have killed those dogs had given the choice because i certainly wanted to kill myself and i tried often enough.  which made me wonder, would anyone i care about be safe, if i couldnt figure out a way to fix it.

so i thought about the offers that i had received and the people i loved who made them.  and why they made them.
so i wondered if it was fair to stress them more.  wWHEN I COULD FREE THEM

i'm tired i admit it. i am not sleeping at nyght, i cannot sleep then and be sure that all is safe, the few times that exhaustation hit, dreams have been hitting too. some have been pleasant and some  not, some  are reoccurring.  the same, one of being left behind.

left behind... for what?

so i wonder, my money comes in and i could stay here and just  stay alive the best way i could?
i could go see uncle and see if i can fix the mess i made of things and see if he allows peace to come to my friends
and yes i have wondered if i took the easy way out if it would break whatever curse i might have placed at the shy age of 14

but i love Him so much that now that He owns me, even if He might sometimes wish He didn't...
i can't hurt Him that way, i won't.  I WON'T.   MY LOVE IS TOO GREAT.

even though i thought i would not never love again.  and yet the plain truth is that i have loved for far too long, first meetings, first conversations. the first time he made me smile in spite of everything happening in my life

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Great-Great Aunt Josephine-- A New Beginning?

2008-01-14

Great-Great Aunt Josephine- A new beginning?

When you’re an Empath and have been you’re entire life it’s truly a difficult situation to be around others in pain.   Add to that the training I received when I was young, to heal.  My great- great Aunt Josephine, a “wise-woman” in her own rights.  She was born before West Virginia was civilized, she use to say.  She lived in the Mountains and she lived mostly off the land.   Even when others in the area were “birthing babies, getting shot because of feuds between families or burned because of stills blowing up.  Regardless of the injury, they always went to Granny Jo- which is what they referred to the new “healer” in her family.  

Before Josephine, there was her Mama, and she was the “granny” at the time as she was teaching Jo everything she knew about Herbal Medicine, about laying-on hands and healing with “spiritual energy” and what ever else was needed to be accepted as the next Granny.  They lived off the land; large tracks of land that were tilled strictly for herbs and vegetables and flowers that would be used for doctoring.  On the other side of the property was the garden that always fed the family.  They kept goats for both milk, cheese and the extra hair was used for other things.  This type of healing in my mom’s side of the family has been going on for generation and generation.  In fact it’s the way in the Mountains, and for the Healers that they would teach each woman-child (teenager after her first moon-time) and she would learn all that was needed to someday take over and become the next Healer or Granny.  It was an honor. 

One, however, that my mother did not really want.  At 13, she had other plans for her life.  She went ahead and spent summers with Great Aunt Jo and learned all she could.  But later she made the choice to attend college to become a nurse.  This was the way that she wanted to help, the world, not with “herbs, roots, berries and bark” bundles together or to boil onions or mustard for plasters which would help with sweating out fevers and chest-colds.  The final loss for Josephine was when my mom converted to Catholicism. 

 When I was 13 and was in desperate need of getting away from my uncle and my mom made the decision to send me to WV for the summer, to Great-Great Aunt Josephine.  To spend time with the mountains to take in the wealth of the family on her side and everything I would learn. 

Auntie Jo is how she wanted me to call her, and that is what I did.  She called me Maggie-may the first time and I cried because it was the first time I didn’t feel as if I was in danger.  Auntie Jo taught me about planting seasons and how to dry herbs and what herbs would ward of insects and which would protect the body as well as the house.  Such as  Bay leaves in your cupboards would help keep insects at bay.  Cinnamon, chalk, or cayenne pepper dusted around your window sills would keep ants at bay.

She taught me about the Moon and when and how to collect Full Moon water as well as Sun water for certain types of healings of the spirit. 

I went with her when babies were born, and other residents of there small hollow died she went to be with the family.  To dress the body, to help with the funeral and then afterwards, it was her responsibility to smudge the house, to bless it, allowing the spirits of the dead to go forth and not stay around and become and issue for the grieving family.  She explained to me about the Goddess, her own beliefs and those of the family as they first made the journey from their Homeland.  That her family, coming all the way over from Scotland in the beginning, settled in the mountains and here they found a place that to their family reminded them of the Highlands that they were from originally.   She was my first taste of Scottish Witchcraft. Although over the years and generations of living where they did… some beliefs change and some don’t. She felt to the day that she died at age of 105 we think.  We know she was older than 100 but there was some question of just how old she truly was, she would never tell and her looks alone made her appear only to be in her 80’s.

 She explained that she was a white witch or wise-woman, she believed in Goddess, Mother Earth and Father Sky and she blessed the wee- ones, each day and night.  The “wee-ones” I learned, she meant were Fairies and Elves and Gnomes, Goblins and sorts and all of those “wee-ones” could cause you or your property harm if you were not careful. 

My mom had told me that one of he Males in the family in the very beginning was a Cherokee.  He married one of the Thorn daughters; there was always an attraction to the girls with blue eyes, pale skin, and hair the color of fire.   Through-out the generations, there have been many different colorings to come since then.  Added beliefs joined the ones the woman, families where it was the woman that was more important.  Perhaps not being the same in other Mountain or Hollow families at the time or at any time, but when it was the Thorn families and they were the Healers; the Women ruled.  

 I had only been there a week when skinny dipping in the local creek with the other girls, before the next Full Moon when I would be blessed by the Goddesses love as well.  One of the other girls saw scars and ran and told Granny Jo.  She sat me down on her bed and had me drink a cup of her chamomile tea with her honey. When I was calmed down, she wanted to know what happened to me.  

To this time, I had worn long-sleeves and usually over-alls. Afraid of all the men and older boys.  Even though I had attracted many teenagers who wanted to be friends an I shied away from all of them, I had my own demons. 

One was allowing others to touch me, because, I had no idea what they might do to me.  I sat there with Jo and told her of everything, what uncle timothy had done to me. She wanted all the details and as she wrapped me up in her quilt, and held me, I told her everything. Because I felt safe suddenly, and knew I wasn’t going to be hurt again. She held me while I wept for that part of my childhood that I could never regain.  She asked me about telling someone, I explained about telling my father when I was 10 but that he had spanked me with his belt till he drew blood and still he would not stop, it was my mother who forced him to stop.  But that he had warned me that my mom would never believe me ether and then I would be spanked like that again. 

She asked me about the scar on my leg, the stitches were gone but the scar had not been treated and looked like it had been done deliberately, she said.  Then she asked me why it had not faded better.  I explained to her about cutting to take away the torment that uncle Tim and his friends used on me.  How sometimes I felt so much emotional pain that I could not cry and yet I had to let the pain out somehow, and I had learned early on that cutting made the emotional pain easier to deal with.  At other times, i blamed myself for allowing all of this to happen. For being so starved for love that i would  accept his form of it.  That i had actually reacted to his touches, it sickened me, bothering me because i didnt understand why i would react that way.   That he had been so pleased that i "showed him my pleasure" that he bought me new clothes, taking me into the city and allowing me to buy whatever i wanted.  i asked her why?  Why would my body betray me that way. 

She asked me if my parents had ever discussed sex with me, and i told her that they gave me a book but that is all they said. She asked if they explained anything about masturbating? I told her no, they had just caught me a few times, either during or afterwards and I was always punished. Made to feel ashamed for touching myself.  Aunt Jo made a sound under her breath and then just hugged me to her and told me that what I was doing was not wrong.  That she and every woman and man had those feelings and the only thing that was wrong was what my uncle was doing and what my father was doing.

I told her about everything, about the dogs, about “god” and the pastor’s involvement and  how I didn't believe in god anymore. That I hated them, hated their god, their lies.  That I would never look for love ever again, because it always gets me into trouble.  She cried with me and then she wanted to know if she could take a look at me, in her granny jo fashion and would that be alright with me.  I let her examine me, having to hold back panic several times.   She wrote things down and then she had me turn over, and she laid her hands over the scars on my body, from the switches he would use, and she used her energy to help heal me.  She laid cloths of New Moon water on the areas to re-purify. 

She told me that ceremony that would be occurring soon was for the Maidens of the Mountain and the Mothers and the Crones.  As we all come together to dance below the Triple Goddess, Brigid, we would be doing a blessing on the farms and plantings and the Maidens would have their own blessings to put forth.  Then Brigid would pick three to help draw down the Moon.   I told her that I was maiden no more, no longer pure. So I couldn’t take part.  She held me and told me that purity in many cases is more about how one feels inside.  

She sent the rest of the women to gather the flowers needed and husbands were to hunt for a great feast, latter in the evening.  Until then, all the men of the mountain would go down the mountain until  the Moon was High in the sky again.  My mom showed up as I was standing in a bathrobe in Jo’s kitchen waiting for her to tell me what to do, she was talking to many of the Crones and when she was done she came back to me she told me that they would help me with my purifying bath and they would explain the tenets of what Drawing down the Moon meant and what I should expect while she spoke with my mom. 

My feeling was always that she told my mom what I had told her because I could hear crying from the room they were in. It was that bath that each of the women told me of something horrible that had, happened to one of them or a family member.  Yet one of the Granny’s in the Thorn family had healed them.  Had brought peace to family and friends. That if I started to believe that I was damaged and no use to any one, then that is what everyone else would believe as well. 

That I should carry myself with love for the Goddess in my heart and concentrate on my future. No matter how hard it might continue to be, the Goddess wanted me strong, as I stood from my bath and they dressed my hair with wildflowers, corn silk blue flowers mixed with small daisy’s and in my count small wild roses entwined for my hair dress.  She tied ribbons of protection from my hair circlet.  Each Maiden to take with them candles to honor the Goddess and themselves and the Full Moon.  As I was getting ready, I felt a pain in my stomach, something that I had not felt before.   They brought Aunt Jo  to me an she wanted to know what was wrong and as I described what I felt whenever Brenda-Sue came near me.  She told me that she would talk with me later, but it was found that Brenda-Sue was in labor.  My Mother stood with me, holding my hands, as the words were said and the Crones came forward and did their part, then the Mothers, then it was our time and I wasn’t sure, but my Mom pushed me forward where we danced below the ever growing Moon.  It did indeed look like it was so large it could land on the top of the hillside where we were worshipping. Then we heard a baby cry and Aunt Jo appeared with the new mother and laid her and the baby beneath the Moon and then all the women slipped from their robes and danced just in the garlands and ribbons in their hair. 

Aunt Jo brought chalice and water and salt and she blessed us all. Asking the Mother Goddess, Brigid to look out for the new Maidens to protect them throughout their lives as they would continue to worship her. She called to another Goddess and asked her to look out for the Mothers and for the new mother brought to service this day, and she named the daughter, Brenda-Sue wanted to name her for me but I thought she should be given her own name, too many people with my name, but it was their ritual, so I gave the name of Peyton which was a name I had always loved, my mom smiled, she knew why and what the name meant.  So did several of the other women.  The child was brought into the family under the Full Moon’s Light with the name of Peyton Marie Thorn.   Then the mother and baby was moved back down and the Crones and my mom stayed and so I was detained.  

 We stood in a tight circle before forming a pentagram inside with the additional Crones on the outside of us.  The Moons bright light was so bright that I could almost see the entire village below.  I almost felt as if I reached up and touched it; it would be cool like the Moon.  The Crones chanted as Jo came closer with a cup of mead and asked the Goddess Hecate to bless the crones for this season and forever should they pass on without waiting till the next Full Moon.   The Crones chanted back.  Then Jo, asked Hecate for a Blessing to me.  (as strangely as it might seem to some, but in my head I swore I heard a voice that said, You are NO Maiden, why should I watch over you, why should I even care if you want to die… you have taken part in a sacred ceremony) Aunt Jo could tell that I was wavering and was close to passing out and then I did.  Jo went and explained in detail to Hecate the Goddess of Vengeance,  what had happened to me for the past 13 years of my life and  that it was by the graces of the great Goddess that the child’s Mother intervened this summer and sent me to be with them  instead of back to the monster who had hurt me but that I needed courage to  stop him.  My mom told me later that all the women there were startled a bit as they also heard a message, a message to keep me safe, to show me love, to show me how to use my gifts as I was born with many and she is not using any of them.   And finally when I woke that night, as everyone was preparing the feast, Aunt Jo sat with me and explained what had happened.  That if I wanted to, she would teach me all that she knows and when she is ready to crossover and enter the Summerland. Then She would be glad to honor me with her title.  I was surprised to say the least.   I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life at 13, except to die in most cases.  My mom said that she would see what she could do about allowing me to spend summers in the future with Auntie Jo if I wanted to. 

Before my mom left to head back to our home, she told me Aunt Jo that she was sorry about what was going on, that she would do everything to make it stop.  But I always wondered if my father did not believe me, would he have believed my mom.  He did not approve of me spending summers with the “crazy mountain side” of mom’s family which is why I was sent back the next summer, when I was 14 to my uncles’ again.  But I was different inside, I felt it, I had a courage that I had not realized was part of me.   I was there a week, sitting on his front porch writing in my journal and an Owl flew by once and then twice more.  The dogs were locked up in the barn, but suddenly sitting on the railing was this huge barn owl and she was peering at me, as if waiting. I bowed ever so gently towards it and offered my name.  The Owl just peered at me again after looking all around and I thought in my head I heard a name, her name. Something which I haven’t shared but with a few other people in my life and I won’t do now in this blog.  It would not be the first time I have spoken to an Owl, nor would it be my last. I had learned that Owls were my Spirit Guides.  

 The next day when uncle came out to the porch and wanted to touch me, I pushed his hands away.  Which was the first time I did so like an adult.  He looked at me, as he began to get upset, a raven flew down and landed on the electrical wire.  Starring down at my uncle.

The voice in my head was the voice I heard the night we drew down the moon, it was the Goddess Hecate. I knew it.  She just said my name softly, and she said something else, which I wrote in my journal till I could talk to Aunt Jo again.  

Uncle spent the next few days constantly trying to touch me, and whenever he did, the Ravens and the Crows showed up.  They would stay around in the morning till he left his house, then Sunday came and he told me to get ready for church. 

 I explained that I was no longer a child of his god, but was a child of the Goddess and no longer believed in his god. Then he noticed the ring on my finger and the pendant around me neck. He smacked me before I had a chance to pull away.  It’s the blood I tasted first. He was preparing for another strike when I stood up to him and looked at him, “if you do that uncle timothy, I will call the police, I have told others and they will stand up for me, you won’t ever touch me again if you expect to ever be with another woman of any kind.”

  He reached out and gave me a shove; I stumbled backwards where I fell down the front steps.  He was off the steps and standing over me when I could breathe again and opened my eyes, and he was furious.  I know he thought I was turning him in, when all I wanted was to be normal.   I stood up as quickly as I could and to his face told him I said I wanted to go home. That he should see about either taking me to see Great Aunt Jo, or he could fly me home.   He took a step towards me, and the birds appeared again.

Uncle started babbling about birds, in his dreams, birds when he wakes up, always the same black birds.  He made a few phone calls and told me to pack my stuff.  Then he drove me to the airport and put me on a plane to WV, and my Grandfather picked me up at the airport and drove me out to Aunt Jo’s place in his squad car.  He gave me a big hug and told me that he was glad to see me and he’d take me fishing some days while I was here if I wanted to.  I did of course want to. 

I had the rest of the summer with Aunt Jo, who taught me about the herbs and the flowers. She taught me that every living thing on the Goddess’s Green Earth has a soul and thus can be spoken with and listened to; if I but listen, with an open heart to what new things enter it. 

She also told me that she had trained  her daughters too, because she didn’t think my father would allow me many more summers with her.  But she told me that Nature always had a lot to tell us, if we only were willing to listen.  I told her about my conversation with the barn owl and how it had called me, Selene. I asked her what that meant.  She told me that it was another name for Luna, Goddess of the Moon. It’s not something I share, typically.  I also told her about the conversation with the Raven, and I had thought it was the same voice of the Crone Goddess the night of the Moon celebration.

She told me that one aspect of the Triple Goddess is the Crone, and often during dark-moon rituals we call on Hecate.  Goddess of Vengeance, and she asked me if the Raven, Hecate’s animal spirit has spoken with me.  I told her that it called me, “child of the Moon” and then told me that there will be times when I will run into other men like my uncle and I should remember that they have no spirits, just darkness. And to stay away.

But one day in my travels I would meet another like me; one who is a loner, who has been hurt by the world and also fearful that there is too much darkness in my soul after all the pain.   That I should  open my heart to him, trust him because he will never harm you.”  Aunt Jo looked at me, she held her hands over mine, and told me that I should listen to all the lessons that are offered to me as I continue my studies. That like my mom and her and those that came before, I have natural powers to Heal and thus would always be a healer.  That I am also an Empath, and she showed me what happened when I took the ring off.  And suddenly the feelings of the area was filling me up inside. She placed the ring on my finger again. 

Our next few lessons were about shields and how to keep them up, to achieve a good shield, she told me that a shield is good for many things but for an Empath, I must keep it up in place all the time till I was ready to heal the one person.  As the summer continued, I walked through the Blue Ridge Mountains with Aunt Jo, and she spoke with me about all the different joys life still had to offer if I kept my eyes and heart open to it. 

As we sat on a large sunny rock looking out over the all of Her bounty, Jo told me that she had spoken with my mother and it was fathers decision that I would not have to go visit uncle anymore but I would not be allowed to come to her anymore. She told me that only I could decid