[A thought or two on life )O(]
No Judgments PleaseMasochist vs. Cutter
2008-02-02
Masochist versus Cutting
What is the difference between the two? Do the lines become blurred especially when you are like me and have submissive tendencies? Another sub from another site is also attempting to work this question out for her as well.
To be a Masochist: in my belief is to hand over trust to one's Dom and allow them to hurt you so that you gain sexual release from the pain. It's done in a Safe, Sane and Consensual manner for both the submissive and their Dominant.
I am not a Masochist. I do not find any sexual gratification from pain of any kind. Those who might have read past blogs, may wonder about statements I have made regarding how erotic spanking can be sometimes when added during certain situations. There is a REAL difference between an erotic spanking during love making with a partner or even one's Master. And the kind of spanking that a Master or Dom/me does to punish their slave. Here they are attempting to teach a lesson. But even then it is completely based on the SSC manner and Trust and Respect always plays part.
I know that when I am being punished (either physically or by his stern words) that he is not trying to hurt me so that he can "take a power trip" or that he just wants to hurt me. He is doing his level best to teach me right from wrong. To mold me in the best way he can. I give him my TRUST freely to do so. I know that once the punishment is over and I have apologized again, at that point he will forgive me. I will have learned a powerful lesson that is meant to break me down but also to build me back up again with his words and deeds. I also know that he will not continue to punish me for past wrongs that I have already been forgiven for. We start again with a CLEAN SLATE.
Which is why, in my opinion it is the best to truly know one's Master or Dominant. Do not just give your trust to the first person you meet. It is the same in the Vanilla world; you would not just act a certain way with the first person you meet and jump into a relationship with them. And again this is all MY OPINION only.
As for the cutting.
I have been a cutter off and on since I was 7 years old and needed the release that the physical pain gave me over the emotional torment that I was going through. I used cutting when I was not able to process the emotional, mental, physical and sexual torment that my own step-uncle pushed on me. I did not know how to deal with what he did to me. It did not excite me to be spanked or whipped till bleeding by him or my own father and even as an adult when I started exploring my own submissive tendencies; I could not find any sexual release from the pain of whip being plied to my flesh or the humiliation that many Doms/Masters would use as well. It would always trigger flashbacks till I got years of therapy.
Now that I deal better with the stress in my life and cut a lot less. But when I do cut, it's usually to mask the emotional pain that is still sometimes so hard for me to deal with that cutting is sometimes just the release I need to remind myself that: 1.) I am still Alive and not NUMB anymore or hiding. 2.) Sometimes it is just a form of physical punishment that I think I need because I have messed up somewhere, or that I feel I need. No one else is asking me to punish myself and certainly my own Master would not think my cutting is good for me. 3.) Finally, there are times when I feel that it's the only thing I deserve and when that is the case; I find it easy to press blade to skin and bleed. But it is never hard enough to need stitches. I have only cut that bad a few times in my life.
These days I am with a Master that understands my past and how certain things affect it. As we grow together, I know I will be punished when it is necessary (as I have already) so that Master may teach me the right way of doing things that will only improve ME and make me stronger. I don't relish these punishments, as I would rather have him proud of me at all costs than ever disappointed.
I try to remind myself now, when I feel the urge to cut that I am owned, Collared by my Master and within that relationship, He owns me and when I cut my body, I am in fact telling myself and Him that I care so little for myself that I am willing to cut myself. Hurting myself in that fashion I think sends the wrong message to Him as well as for myself. I love myself now and I do not want to show ugly scars to the world. Nor do I wish to disappoint myself by cutting. It becomes a double whammy for me.
I have changed little by little and I could not have done so without the strength that I pull from our relationship and friendship.
Barnabus (2008-02-04)
I really hate this Master & Dominate crap!!! Marriage is an EQUAL relationship, with give and take on both sides, able to discuss issues and come to logical conclusions!, and can go somewhat our separate ways if we cannot agree, without it spoiling or destroying the relationship...I believe that's called respect! There is no respect in being dominated or a slave!! exremely degrading!!!
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